Excerpts from my new book, "101 Online Dating Tips!"
I've left out much of "the meat and potatoes," but left in enough content for you to get an indication of what you will learn from this book. This book was written from 10 years of Internet dating experience, thousands of interviews with both men and women and research garnered from our last five to six Dating DeMistyfied Workshops.
Remember, this is just a "sniff" of what you'll receive and just five out of 101 Online Dating Tips!
And oh, by the way, this is also a teensy taste of some content from Dating Coach International's latest ebook, "Dating is Not a Disease!"
I mean really, if you can't have fun writing a simple online profile, then what sort of person do you suppose that you'll attract? Way back in 2001, I submitted my first profile to Match.com. I had no experience writing profiles but just figured what the hell ... let's have fun!
I wrote the text on a Sunday night and didn't check my email until Friday night. During the 5 days I was "away," I received nearly 150 emails from about 120 women. Yes, some wrote me up to three times during that week! I was shocked, but realized that I was on to something!
The point that I'm attempting to make is to be sure that your personality comes through in the profile. If you're silly or funny, then by all means, portray that! If you're really smart and have a lot to say, then say it! If you're sarcastic — in a good way — then allow that to come through. If you're not into writing, like many are not, then just do the best that you can but make sure to come across as you. After all, you are the only one that you really know how to be!
Just have fun folks! Be honest and definitely ask for what you want when describing what you seek in a mate. Write in the same manner as you speak so that each person reading your profile feels that you're talking directly to him or her. After all, that is what we're all here for!
2) Make sure to upload only the clearest, best and most recent photos.
You'd think that this would be a no brainer, but the more you surf the personals online, the more you'll be shocked at the sheer idiocy of some people and the pictures they submit to dating sites. Photos are your first line of attack, and if they suck, no-one will even read your wonderful, well thought out profile! I'm not telling you that you need to go out and get professional shots taken, but I have friends who have done very well going exactly that route.
Simply put, if you don't have any decent, clear photos of yourself, then grab your digital (you know that you have one!) and grab some friends and spend the day taking lots of photos alone and in groups. It is critically important that you have a variety of pictures. Have some close-ups (head-shots) so that people can see how beautiful your eyes are, some full length shots so they can get an idea of your body type and some group photos so they know that you actually leave the house and can be social.
If you have any Photoshop skills, then make sure that the lighting and cropping are fabulous! No one wants to look at dark photos of someone from 50 feet away! After you download the pics to your computer, pick about five to ten that you like the best and get some opinions — hopefully from the opposite sex — on which are the best ones! Then, submit those to the site and pray that your friends were correct! Truly, why would you take the time and effort to write a great profile, only to "chince out" on the photos? Don't let this happen to you!
Oh and just a few words about hiding your perceived flaws ... don't do it! Every person with a brain realizes that if all your photos are close-ups, that you're probably overweight. There's nothing wrong with you as you are, so do not hide behind good camera skills. You will eventually meet the person who thinks you are something that you are not and the look of letdown on their face will cause you both tremendous pains. In my online profile I actually posted several photos that I don't like myself in. The reason for this is simple; if a woman likes me for who I am when I'm at my photographic worst, then it should go reasonably well on a date.
3) Resist writing a negative list in your profile.
"So, if you don't want children, live with your mother, don't have a car, never read Tolstoy while eating quiche, eat ketchup on everything, can't distinguish between Bordeaux and Pinot Grigio, scratch in ungodly places, didn't graduate grade school, don't wash, have young children between the ages of 5 and 11, have facial hair, spend 90 minutes getting ready for a date, spend hours in front of the TV, watch sports, don't watch sports, then please move to the next profile."
I am so over you! Most people really hate negativity, and when you find it in a profile, don't be surprised when it shows up about you down the road! Seriously, don't do it!
4) Do view "the competition" and copy ideas that you like and think would work for you. Research!
This tip is truly for everyone; yes, even those who are gorgeous, great writers and very confident! There's always someone out there with better ideas, more creative word structure and different angles in pictures that you can learn from.
Look at profiles of both sexes so that you can get an idea of what the competition looks like, and what the opposite sex is looking for, as well. Many sites allow you to view who is "popular," so copy some of the best elements that seem to work for them and incorporate them into your profile. But remember, always be yourself!
Sounds like a lot of work? You're right. Don't do it. Just buy extra ice cream and have a movie night at home. Alone, again, yeah, nice!
5) Only answer emails from people that you can honestly see yourself dating.
Do not waste your time or theirs saying "no thanks." Trust me on this one! The game of online dating is a simple numbers game. So when you send out 25 emails to "love interests" and get back nine messages — five from the ones you sent and four from new people — are you pissed about the ones that didn't answer? Hell no! You're excited about the nine wonderful possibilities that you now have!
Well suppose that eight of those nine just wrote to say how wonderful your profile is, but that they just "don’t think you're a match!" It sucks! It really, really sucks. So don't do it! It makes no sense at all to anyone new at the online dating game, and though you wouldn't ignore anyone in the "real world," this is different.
Thank you for reading these tips! Here is the description of the book, direct from Amazon:
What you will learn from this book:
How to successfully navigate online dating.
Some of the best online dating sites to host your profile.
How to write a great profile that will get you noticed and will get the opposite sex writing to you.
How to avoid the myriad of mistakes that "new people" make in online dating.
Principles of the online dating universe.
Online dating tools that simply work, over and over again.
Generating a buzz that will get them writing to you.
The best times to communicate, and the worst!
The simple "do's" and "don'ts" of Internet Dating.
Why you should always be "light, kind, and funny" and have a big heart.
Why you need to always "be yourself."
What to do when it all goes wrong and the results are not what you expected.
Why the type of photos you upload are critical to your success.
And so much more!
And thanks again!