Saturday, September 22, 2012

Oh GOD, That is NOT my Date!!!

I had as date last night. Her name was Julie (not her real name, of course!) and she found me on a free dating site, OK Cupid. It’s a really great site that’s much more than just a dating site. Check it out if you’re not already a member. 

We went back and forth emailing for several weeks; spoke joyfully on the phone Wednesday night for about 90 minutes, and set the date for 5:00 PM after she finished work. I arrived about 15 minutes early and sat on a park bench sunning myself. It was glorious! She arrived 25 minutes later. 

Now have you ever been on a date and saw a person approaching and said in your head “Oh GOD I hope that’s not them!?”
Well that describes what I was thinking. Now ladies, before you throw your knives at me, allow me to explain.

This woman talked about how she was a marathon runner. She had run in the NYC Marathon 4 years in a row and was registered for the next one less than 2 months away. Her photos portrayed a woman who was in great shape, cute, with beautiful hair and nice eyes. I run nearly every day. I AM in great shape, and I make no excuses for desiring a woman of like-mind and body. None whatsoever. 

So imagine my surprise when along comes a woman, ohhhh let’s say about 30-35 pounds overweight, with arms almost as large as my thighs, and looking 10-15 years older than her online photos. 

I was horrified, looked away, and the only thought in my mind was, “run, go, leave right now and do NOT look back!”

I could not. I could not do that to another human being. My cell phone rang just a moment later and I knew it was her. We met shortly after, talked on a bench in the shade (for some reason she didn’t want to sit in the sun, despite the fact that it was chilly and breezy outside) and then walked around the park as I told her stories of my days as a musician (she loves music and asked me to talk about my "playing days").  Strangely though she had no stories of her own as she was “tired from working all week.”

Um, hello? I work too! And I traveled over an hour to get there.

She walked 4 blocks.


The date ended shortly thereafter as it became apparent to her that I had little to no interest.
So I ask you all, has this happened to you? Has someone shown up who clearly was not what they portrayed themselves to be?
How did you handle it, or how would you handle it now?
Do you feel it is rude to just say “hey, y’know I don’t wanna be rude but you don’t appear anything like what you described and I feel cheated and abused? I think I’ll take my leave now.”

I have had quite a few dates over the years where women misrepresented themselves in age, appearance, personality, and other areas and I have never just walked out on them. I don’t think that I ever will, but it has to a small degree soured my feelings on Internet Dating.

Now while writing this, a young man who is in grad school came by to look at an empty room in my apartment. He was a pleasant guy and after a while we started to talk about things besides the apartment, and being guys the conversation turned to women. He told me about a date he had 2 weeks ago. He met the woman on the Internet and, well, same story as mine; marathon runner who shows up overweight and unattractive to him. His thoughts? “Oh crap, I do not wanna spend 80 bucks on dinner on this fat chick.”

Well, after all he is in college.

Through the years and all of my research on dating and relationships, I have heard this story relayed countless times from both sexes. You know, the guy with a great head of hair and nice muscles online, who shows up balding, overweight, and in a dirty tee shirt! Geez! So clearly this happens to almost everyone. What I’d really like to know (especially from the women out there) is what did you do when this happened to you? If it hasn’t happened, what do you suppose that you would do if this transpired in your life? And even more-so, have you ever done this yourself, and why?

Do you feel it is rude to just walk away? I mean, after all, if someone is putting forth an image that is untrue, isn’t that a lie, and have they not already lost the right for respect? Is it not, in effect, an abuse of trust?

Your thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated, by everyone!!!


Friday, September 7, 2012

Single After 40: Why It’s a Good Thing 

By: Lorii Abela

Being in a relationship is very important to most people, and a lot of them feel that, if you’re still single after you turn 40, then there must be something wrong with you. Well, if you are one of these people, stop and desist right there!

First and foremost, keep in mind that being single after 40 isn’t something to be ashamed about. Sure, most of your friends and colleagues might be married, or at least be in long-term relationships by this time, but who’s keeping count? If it matters that much to you, try counting how many truly have happy marriages, or have divorced by this time. Heck, you can even try counting how many of these people have played the scene looking for that special someone and failing. Remember, just because you don’t fit into that outdated view of being with someone before you hit 40 doesn’t mean that being in a relationship is not the thing for you.

You need to keep in mind that getting married at a young age is actually a frame of mind from a long time ago, and that these days, being single after 40 does have its advantages. A lot of professionals actually choose to be single in their earlier years because this is the time that they are looking for a stable financial position for themselves, and it is not easy juggling both a thriving career and nurturing a strong relationship with another person. For them, it’s better to be single after 40 so that they can be financially and socially stable before they settle down with another person.

Indeed, with the average lifespan of a person being around 75 years or more these days, 40 is actually considered to be the new 30! You can find so many attractive, intelligent and single people who are looking to build a relationship who are 40 years or older. It’s actually not hard to find people who are still single after 40 and are just now looking to start a serious relationship with a person. Whether you’re looking on the Internet, or using a more traditional method such as hanging out in bars or parks, you will most likely run into someone who is still single in their 40’s, and is looking for someone to just share a simple conversation with. Take a chance! For all you know, it could turn into something more.

Remember, you’re already single after 40 years old. Why rush into a relationship now? Take your time. Learn more about the person you’re starting to get to know. You won’t regret it!

Enjoy the search and the goodluck! Use these tips to leverage on how to find the girl for you. You can get more information on how you can find love by visiting Be sure to take advantage of the 6 Day Free E-mail Mini-Course.

Lorii Abela is a Law of Attraction Practitioner and Finding True Love Coach for expatriates. She herself has manifested her match in 30 days through a process that she now teaches. Discover her secrets to finding true love by visiting  Lorii is available for coaching, speaking engagements and consultancy.