What women don’t know about Men, Part One:

A quote attributed to the great George Carlin states that “Men are all stupid and Women are all crazy. And the reason women are all crazy is because men are all stupid”

I’d like to add a few words to this sage verbiage: “And when the few men who are not stupid run into the women who the stupid men have turned crazy, those men in turn suddenly become stupid.” 

It’s a defense mechanism and we, as men have learned to use it effectively. 

Y’see ladies, men occasionally become overwhelmed with the mixed signals that society thrusts on them “be strong, be a man, be a leader, be tough, aggressive in business, provide for your family, fight the fight, be a protector, be successful” and other badges we must wear, while we also hear “be gentle, be kind, be attentive, warm, caring, affectionate, emotionally available, empathic, know what she wants before she asks, be a great father/son/brother/friend, be sensitive to her needs” and so many more. And yes, this does drive us crazy!

Speaking personally as a man raised mostly by women (mother, grandmother, aunts) I developed many of the latter qualities, and less of the former. It took me many years, many failures, and lots of time spent with strong, masculine men to “find my balls and my voice.”

You see I never needed to find my balls before because there was always a willing woman in my life to locate them for me. I was effeminized as are so many men in today’s society and needed to find my own answers. I can tell you that it was a very painful road but the benefits of becoming a man amongst men, a leader of men, and a “go to guy” has changed the type of woman I attract. 

You may not realize it ladies, but you are stronger than us. You are more outgoing than us. You have more drive, more “stick-toitiveness” and you may be smarter than us. We are, as men, and at the end of the day - all little boys searching for the little girl who just wants to come out and play nice with us. 

When we are sick we just want someone sweet to take care of us. Make me chicken soup (organic, of course) and I will develop a very soft place in my heart for you and brag about you endlessly to friends and family. 

When we are blue we need a soft shoulder to cry on (even when we say we don’t). We don’t always know what we need so we need you to be smart enough to feel, to read between the lines, and to be our Amazon when we fall. 

When we are tired from working ridiculous hours we just want a pretty face and a warm, gentle touch to rub our long-day out of our back and shoulders. 

When we come up with an idea we expect you to get excited about it and support us fully. If you didn’t know (and listen closely here) there is nothing that will crush a man’s spirit faster that lack of support from his woman, or worse, a woman who makes fun of his ideas, especially in front of others.

Allow us to make fools of ourselves (we do it so well) but allow us to fail and feel the pain of that failure knowing that we tried. And BE the woman who is there at the end, still supporting a man who stepped out of his comfort zone and had the balls to be something different and try something few thought would succeed. And when we do succeed and you are the woman who supported us though the crap, a good man will hold onto you for the rest of his life.

If he does not, then he was never a good man to begin with and you are well rid of him. 

Sometimes we need to “go to our cave” which is a place that you MUST NOT FOLLOW! Our cave is where we go to de-stress, wind down (possibly from the argument you just had with us after asking us to take out the garbage for the twelfth time today) and blow off the aggressive man-steam so that we can now have a human discussion with you without balling up our fists and scaring you to death. A smart man knows to walk away when he is angry and if you follow him, screaming, yelling, and egging him on to further rage, well, that’s why many jail cells are full. Do NOT do it ladies! 

I am aware that the last statement may upset some of you. Tough noogies. Ignore it and you could very well be the next victim of domestic violence. 

I have so much more to share on this subject, including how divorce can rip away a man's pride completely, but I'll touch on that in detail in part two. 

Frankly I could continue this blog for twenty more pages; however I would prefer to hear your questions and listen to your comments before continuing. I'd particularly like to hear what drives you crazy (no pun intended) about men in your life so that I can better address this wonderful subject! 

This could get interesting! 

David “Spike” Osterczy

http://DemistyfiedDating.com 

I Expect...

We had a production meeting a few months back on a Sunday evening that went very much longer than expected.

I expected it to last about 90 minutes, get right down to business and then I could grab a nice dinner and relax with a good movie.

Yeah, expectations. They’re killers. About 5 minutes into the meeting one of my staff stopped me cold and stated “I don’t know most of the people at this table, and I can’t be my best until we all get related to one another.”

Of course he was correct. He expected that I would begin the meeting with introductions, which I did, but he also expected them to last much longer. About 2 hours later, after we were all cozy and comfy and related and relaxed, the meeting began and it was around a question.

The question was “what is the number one killer of relationships?” Everyone looked at one another for a while and then Alex, my event manager wrote a single word on a piece of paper, and the word was -

                                                  "Expectations."

"I expect you to know what I want because you say that you love me."

"I expect dinner to be ready the minute I walk in the door."

"I expect you to know how to please me without me telling you how."

"I expect you to be cool with all of my friendships."

"I expect you to stop watching football all day Sundays after we’re married."

"I expect you to love me for my faults as well as my gifts."

"I expect you to pay all the bills on time."

"I expect to go on vacation 4 times per year, every year."

"I expect to live in a huge home with 3 cars and a pool and a garden and…"

"I expect, I expect, I expect…"

Expectations are killers of relationships when we do not communicate our feelings, wants, desires, and YES, expectations to one another!

"If you don’t tell me what you want, dear, I really can’t read your mind! I want to please you in every way, so could you kindly tell me what you like? I like vacations too, but could we actually make some money and get some savings first?"

Expectations.
Killers.
Word.

Talk to your mate folks. It will save you a world of pain now and in the future!

And I expect that you’ll listen to me!!!

David "Spike" Osterczy
http://demistyfieddating.com/

5 Steps to Creating More Magic in Your Love Life

Do you want to create more MAGIC in your  LOVE LIFE?  Are you mumbling to yourself...."What Love Life?"

Getting out of your comfort zone is EXCITING and SCARY.  But, it's honestly the ONLY way to get more out of your life.

What are you waiting for?  You can create anything you want in life.  I know this for a fact because I used to be a scared, depressed, divorced, broke single mom who had been married to an alcoholic abusive man.  I escaped all of that drama to create a dream life. No, it's not ALL perfect but it is dreamy.  I've healed from the past and made peace with my ex.  My daughter has even told me that she finally realized that I really did the right thing to leave her dad. This was big.   Was it easy? No. Was it worthwhile? YES.   Back then, I didn't even know what a healthy relationship looked or felt like.  I just knew that it wasn't what I had and no amount of therapy sessions was going to change that.

The first step to creating Magic in YOUR LOVE LIFE is accepting where you are right now.  Where ever you are at is JUST fine. Really.  Don't make yourself wrong or even right.  It is what it is and you can always improve. 

The second step is to use what Jack Canfield of Chicken Soup for the Soul fame, calls the RULE OF FIVE.  That is doing 5 different things per day or per week. I vote for 5 per day.  These new actions can be quite small but as the book: The Slight Edge advocates...success doesn't happen over night and neither does failure but every day that you take one positive action builds over time.  Which will it be for you? Actions that take you down a bad path or ones that take you closer to your goals and dreams?

Let me suggest some actions to take that can dramatically impact your LOVE LIFE for the positive.  Just by taking them on you will feel more in charge of your life.

1. Before you get out of bed in the morning.  Imagine a photo or a short video of you in love. What would it feel like? How would your day be different?  If you journal write this down. 

2. Forgive someone from your past.  Remember that guy/gal who did you wrong? Just mentally say to your self (Extra points for saying it out loud.)   Jack, I forgive you for not......

3. Smile at 3 more people than normal each day.  Just smile and nod.

4. Give 3 more compliments per day to the man or woman in your life. (If you are single, compliment a stranger.)

5. Ask your partner what would need to happen to make them happier in their life? then be a good listener.  If you are single: ASK YOURSELF and journal this. 

i realize that doing these kinds of things will take you out of your comfort zone but the truth is that you really aren't all that comfortable in that comfort zone either.  

I am here to support you if you need a nudge or even a shove.  I love to coach people who are ready to leave a life they don't like anymore in favor of a juicy new life.  The good news is that you don't have to do it all alone. 

Remember, that I used to be a depressed, scared, broke, single mom, so who better to support you than someone who has been there and done that and dramatically altered their own life.  For the record: I moved from Ohio to California.  I now live with an incredible view of the ocean with my sweetheart and my dog Romeo.  My daughter is grown and happy. My relationship books have been on best seller lists.  I love working with my clients and they love me.  And...I get to do more of what I love including writing and playing more harp music.   Check out my harp music and my Soulmate meditation set to harp music at http://www.MySpace.com/AlmostHeavenHarp

E-mail me if you think you might be ready to get out of your UN-comfort Zone and work with a coach to create more magic in your life.  No pressure or anything, but if you feel a certain calling inside of you for a better life and you think that you might be ready for an intuitive results oriented seasoned coach then you will take the next step.  If not, just continue reading my posts and watching my videos as much as you like.

    xoxo Susan Bradley   Susan@MyDramaFreeRelationship.com

Tips for Dating Men: Top 5 Turn-offs For Men

By: Lorii Abela 

 It is undeniable that men definitely hold women in the highest regard. It is also undeniable that  at times women do certain things that can make men crazy. There’s a book that explained, men are from Mars and women are  from Venus. The idea of this author’s notion is to shed light towards the countless difference  regarding the two sexual categories, particularly in a cross cultural relationship.

Here are 5 greatest turn-offs for men, their reasons, and what you can do about it to make sure of a better romantic relationship among the sexes.

1. Fooling around with mind games or creating drama. Despite that there are many ways of having more fun into a romantic relationship, making a drama is absolutely a big NO and not a part of them. Refrain from impulsive questions  with regards to his past, specifically love life. (Hint: It’s a component of his past. Allow it to stay there, except if you are in a rush of becoming a part of his past as well) this will just surely result to a terrible start that will create undesirable vibes which may lead to several misunderstandings in the future, thus finding a soulmate is unlikely.

Simple issues like taking a while to get dress to go on a date, is actually one more drama-causing issue. It’s simple to understand that almost all of us women choose to appear our best as much as possible when dating out, mainly because it demonstrates how we value our date. Then again, we must even be cautious to respect their time. By nature, men are usually prompt and organized, because this is the way they indicate their date how much they cherish her presence. By natural means, it is primarily the argument of values that creates friction within a romantic relationship. One thing you can avoid by being  punctual and you should keep in mind when considering this question – ‘how can I find love”.

Another cause for romantic relationship drama is envy towards platonic friends. Hey, these friends were already part of his past even before you came. Possibly, there is a good reason why they stayed long-time friends and you turned out to be the significant other. Forget about mind games such as “You decide, “them or me?”And then you will appear as reassured and sure of yourself – these are the qualities that make it easier to be appealing to men.

Typically, men are problem-solvers, as a result they naturally withdraw from histrionics. If you demonstrate to him that you can be competent at making win-win cases,  it is going to lead to a promising  romantic relationship. Communication competencies are definitely the top soulmate secret. If you feel like in the verge of a tantrum, stop and have another look at your techniques. By means of discussing things through, you start to develop a firm foundation based on trust and respect.

2. Making him cover the cost of every little thing. Chivalry is known as a wonderful idea, and the majority of men undoubtedly won’t care about treating a woman throughout the courtship phase. Even so, after several dates, offer to make a contribution too. Keep in mind, chivalry stops feeling manly up to a point, soon after men begin to ask themselves if they are indeed being played for a bloodsucker. Keep the interaction light and friendly over the initial few dates. Avoid asking how much money he makes. The very last thing you would possibly be thought of  is a gold-digger.

3. Moving too fast. Dating is a process in which the two of you get the hang of one another much easier to find out if you may be well matched and meant for a long lasting romantic relationship, even perhaps married life. Consider it as a dry run or possibly an evaluation process prior to a life-changing responsibility. Men have typically been known as commitment shy. Then again, making him pressured along with questions like “where is our relationship going?” is likely to frighten him a lot more. Being focused on the main objective ahead of time takes the enjoyment away from entire dating approach and ensures that the woman is simply not dependable enough by herself, searching for a commitment with a man she does not know yet.

Consider dating similar to cooking a cake in the oven: if you are using far more heat than required, with the idea of cutting across the baking time, you’re going to get a cake that is certainly burned off. This is a similar deal with a man. Move too fast and you might discover yourself to be burning off the relationship.

4. As a control freak. Guys are big picture driven people, in some cases barely looking at the little details when they do things. Women, on the other hand, are specific in going through the complexities of a particular given task. Both of these mindsets usually deviate with one another, thus causing men to assume that women make  tension by sweating the small stuff, while women tend to consider that men merely do not to really care enough to get it done properly. Most of the time, this ends up with the woman saying that she “has to do everything,” thereby resulting to a man having a bruised ego and getting him crazy.

Ladies, be aware that just because men carry out things in different ways does not imply that they are getting it done absolutely wrong. In the end, they’re problem solvers naturally and would want simply to have it perfect at the first try. Take note of the the difference in strategies, but don’t feel pressured to “push him in the right path “at all times. Believe in him to produce perfect outcomes and you will be amazed. He’s going to enjoy the vote of self-confidence and get the job done twice as hard to make certain that it gets successfully done.

5. Dominating his “guy time”. Just like women, men too are interpersonal beings by nature. Check out any sporting affair, pub, or poker night, and you will then come across groups of men typically having a good time. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they have lesser fun with the company of ladies.  They prefer setting aside time for “guy things” with other men. It isn’t really an indication that the romantic relationship is not enough, nor should you ever try to hold his nights out back with the other men. Provided that it does not entail dropping a fortune in gambling or lounging around in the strip club, absolutely nothing is entirely wrong with setting aside a few space to allow your romantic relationship to grow. You will never know, the stories he shares may even allow for enjoyable conversations. Keep things sensible: never fail to concur with how much “guy time” he should get and just how much “girl time” you should get too, and stick to it. Your allowance in recognizing additional areas of his life could go further towards making him look forward to returning to you once more and possibly finding a soulmate in you.



Enjoy the search and the Goodluck! Use these tips to leverage on how to find the girl for you. You can get more information on how you can find love by visiting http://www.manifestingmydestiny.com. Be sure to take advantage of the 6 Day Free E-mail Mini-Course.

Lorii Abela is a Law of Attraction Practitioner and Finding True Love Coach for expatriates. She herself has manifested her match in 30 days through a process that she now teaches. Discover her secrets to finding true love by visiting http://www.manifestingmydestiny.com  Lorii is available for coaching, speaking engagements and consultancy.

Top Secrets to Catch Attention Quickly Using Online Dating Sites

by Betty Nelson

Your profile pictures are critical to catch attention. People are very visually orientated. The very first things people check out are the profile photos. If they are attractive, people will read what you have to say. If not, they will go on to the next profile. 

They spend only a very few seconds before they make a decision to stay or move on to the next profile.Your picture must be attractive and recent. If your hair cut or style has changed consider a new picture. The main complaint and turn-off is that people look nothing like their pictures or they look much older than their picture. They will take that as a breach of trust and wonder what else they would be untruthful about. You have lost their trust and it’s all over. This is something you have complete control over. It is simple and can be handled so that it works in your favor without a lot of time or expense.


They want to see a picture of your smiling face and a nice, appropriately clothed full body shot. This has been compiled from interviewing dozens of men and women. Just imagine that a person is shifting through many profiles and if they don’t see a full body shot they will think the worst. They often won’t take the chance of spending time or money on a date they think they might regret. They hate surprises and won’t give the person a second chance. Take steps to stop them in them in their tracks when they see your pictures.

Take a number of pictures of yourself or have a friend take several shots of your face and clothed full body. Do not, and I repeat, do not post pictures of yourself that are not in focus or that don’t show you at your best. Sort through your head shots and be very particular to choose one that looks friendly with a nice smile in your eyes as well as on your lips. A very slight forty-five degree angle shot is nice rather than a full-on face shot. It is more slimming and creates a friendlier image. For women a slight tilt of your head adds a nice flirty touch that catches a guy’s eye.

Women should wear more make up than you normally wear. The reason for this is the flash and the lighting in the room will wash you out making you look paler and less defined. Take a number of shots and select one that is the most flattering to you. Make certain you are expressing yourself with your eyes in the picture. Look interested in them in a friendly, flirty manner. Think of a joke or something pleasurable when you are having your pictures taken. Keep that glint or smile in your eyes as well as on your lips. People love to see a smile and they want a person who they think will be adding an uplifting air to their lives.

Talk Directly to them in your Profile

The very first words you write are vitally important. You can say something like…”Hey, I totally understand how difficult it is to find a great person online”…etc. Look at it from their perspective. Because no one else is doing that, it will make you stand out. Remember they have no patience when he they are searching thru profiles because they do not know you and they are going thru very quickly. They spend only a few seconds on each profile and even less on the ones that turn them off immediately and they certainly won’t read a long, negative, uninteresting profile. They will just go on to the next one and in a flash you have lost your chance with that person. You have got to get their attention and keep it long enough to engage their mind and thoughts to make them want to meet you and spend time with you.

Write as if you are sitting across the table from that person. Like you are talking and having fun with a good friend. Don’t sound like a textbook or make lists of your attributes. A no-fail technique is reading it aloud as if you are talking to that person. This will immediately show you where you need to make some changes. Always use your spell check and have someone else read it before you post it. Another person may catch something that may turn people off. Your photo and your profile is your hook to get their attention to start a conversation.

Make your profile fairly short and fill it with word pictures to help them understand what you are really like. You might say that you enjoy volunteering at a local charity so they can get an idea of what you do that showcases your good qualities. Listing words like kind, gentle, honest, etc. is a real turn-off. They know anyone can say those things. But if you describe what you actually do that shows you are that way, then they will believe and trust you more. Many are not honest in their profiles. Make sure you are not one of them.

When the person sees you for the first time, they will know right away if you put up a current picture of yourself. And make sure that the way you behave when you meet them is the way you portrayed yourself in your profile. Never put on airs or try to say you are something you are not because you will be found out and it will be over! This is not a place for second chances.

Be Upbeat and Positive

A person’s worst fear is that they might be tied down with someone who makes their lives less interesting and fun. They don’t want someone they have to entertain all the time, even for one evening, let alone a lifetime!  When you meet for the very first time, make sure you have a pleasant look on your face. The look you want is the look you have just before you are about to smile. Check out the striking difference in a mirror between that and a serious look.

Practice this attractive approachable look with a lively glint in your eye.  This is so much more attractive than a plain “just there” look, or worse, a serious, distracted look. Now that you have the real inside scoop, you can avoid these mistakes. You can be well on your way to finding the soul mate of your dreams!

By Betty L Nelson

Everyone has five different love blocks.

This is normal. No matter how transformed, educated, or balanced you are, you will have five different Love Blocks. By Susan Bradley RN

Whenever you are upset at anyone for any reason you can bet that one of your Love Blocks was triggered.

The Top FIVE MOST COMMON LOVE BLOCKS are:
1. Fear of Abandonment.
2. Fear of Commitment
3. Fear of being Dominated or Controlled.
4. Fear of being Rejected/Not Accepted
5. Fear of being Hurt Again

You have love blocks if you can answer yes to any of the following questions.

A. You are over 38 and have never been married.
B. You are shy.
C. You haven't been in a relationship in over 18 mos.
D. You bicker with your partner over lots of little things and never seem to get the real issue resolved.
E. There are power struggles in your relationship.
F. You are fighting about moneyor money is an issue in your relationship.
G. Your feelings get hurt or you are disappointed by your partner frequently.

If you want to know what you can do to resolve Love Blocks in your life and get rid of any negative drama, consider taking:  "Breaking Through Love & Abundance Barriers Retreats " in Carmel, CA by emailing your interest to LovingUniversity@cs.com


Copyright 1990-2012 All Rights Reserved. LovingUniversity.com  Susan@MyDramaFreeRelationship.com

Live Into Your Winning Story!

Are you deserving enough to attract love into your life? I mean, are you truly worthy?

Are you confident in whom you are, how you appear, and that you’ll know what to do if love does appear suddenly? 

What if you’re not good looking enough?

What if you don’t make enough money, live in a beautiful home, drive an expensive car, or have the education that your prospective lover seeks?

Well I’m here to tell you that none of that really matters. The Universe didn’t stamp you across the head at birth with “worthy” or “winner” just like it didn’t stamp you with “loser” or “unworthy.” It is all a story, the story that you tell yourself every day. But here’s the thing:

YOU decide what your self-worth is in your life.

YOU decide what your attitude and mood is going to be from minute to minute.

YOU decide whether you are worthy of love, or that raise, or a better place to live, and when YOU decide to LIVE INTO the life that you KNOW you deserve, that is when everything will begin to change for you.

If you say that you’re amazing, you are!

If you say that you’re worthy, you are!

If you say that you deserve to be in love with an amazing mate, you do deserve it, and that is the day when the Universe will begin to lay the groundwork for exactly what you seek, what you deeply want, and what you MANIFEST in your quiet, deep moments when you are alone, and thinking about what you desire the most.

But we don’t generally think this way, do we? In fact, if a mighty Redwood Tree were a mere human, it might only grow to eight feet tall because it would not believe that it could actually BE a Mighty Redwood, and thus grow to 300 feet tall and live thousands of years.

It’s funny how we call most animals “dumb” by comparison with humans, but salmon don’t worry about being worthy before swimming upstream to spawn just as squirrels don’t worry if they’re good looking enough to gather nuts to survive the cold, winter months.

So why do we?

And why do you?

Do you realize that no-one’s opinion about you matters but your own? And do you realize that you will never attract the love that you seek if you do not love yourself first? And you will never attract abundance, cooperation, and joy into your life if you do not believe that you can, and more so, that you do!

“Oh sure, it’s easy for you to say Spike, you’re this big published author with followers and friends and stuff.”

Really?

You don’t think I get lonely from time to time? Sure I do, but there’s an old saying that a very wise woman once shared with me “it’s okay to have a pity party sometimes, just don’t stay there too long.”

So yeah, it’s okay, but here’s a little secret that if you follow, and take action along with it, will guarantee you positive results in your life.

Every morning, or every evening, whenever you can MAKE some time, find a quiet place, relax, sit on the floor in a lotus (legs crossed comfortably) position and close your eyes. (I do this outdoors after my daily run. I do believe that it works better when closer to nature)

Envision yourself somewhere beautiful, with someone that adores you as you adore them. You are enjoying each other, taking great joy in each other’s company and love everything about your life.

Fantasize about what you’ll do together, where you’ll be doing it, what it will feel like; every taste, color, aroma, sound, touch, everything.

When you are complete, “ASK” the Universe in great detail for what you want.

Then “EXPECT” that the Universe will give this to you, very soon.

And finally “ACCEPT” that you already have everything that you are describing.

Use those 3 words to begin each sentence as you manifest your amazing life, and remember that the Universe will give you exactly what you think about the most.

Think about problems the most and you’ll attract more problems.

Think about abundance, love, and happiness the most and you’ll attract more of those.  

While doing this wonderful exercise, feel your enjoyment in participation and allow the joy to fill you up until you are ready to explode with all the abundance that you feel; all the abundance that you are attracting to you, moment by moment.

When you are so totally filled with the joy, love, and realization that you truly are attracting abundance to you, spread your arms wide and “give away” the abundance and love, share it with everyone that you know and feel the abundance as you share it with the Universe.

We get what we give folks. And when you get that you have everything that you’ll ever need to attract love and abundance, right now, that is the magic moment that it all begins to come towards you.

Try it for 30 days, and don’t skip a day. Get out of the house with friends and try actually talking to someone you’re attracted to. It does not matter what you say, just say something!  Be in action in your life and be in action with your manifestation, and when you combine the two, there is no power that can stop you from attracting your greatest desires.

David "Spike" Osterczy