Oh GOD, That is NOT my Date!!!

I had as date last night. Her name was Julie (not her real name, of course!) and she found me on a free dating site, OK Cupid. It’s a really great site that’s much more than just a dating site. Check it out if you’re not already a member. 

We went back and forth emailing for several weeks; spoke joyfully on the phone Wednesday night for about 90 minutes, and set the date for 5:00 PM after she finished work. I arrived about 15 minutes early and sat on a park bench sunning myself. It was glorious! She arrived 25 minutes later. 

Now have you ever been on a date and saw a person approaching and said in your head “Oh GOD I hope that’s not them!?”

Well that describes what I was thinking. Now ladies, before you throw your knives at me, allow me to explain.

This woman talked about how she was a marathon runner. She had run in the NYC Marathon 4 years in a row and was registered for the next one less than 2 months away. Her photos portrayed a woman who was in great shape, cute, with beautiful hair and nice eyes. I run nearly every day. I AM in great shape, and I make no excuses for desiring a woman of like-mind and body. None whatsoever. 

So imagine my surprise when along comes a woman, ohhhh let’s say about 30-35 pounds overweight, with arms almost as large as my thighs, and looking 10-15 years older than her online photos. 

I was horrified, looked away, and the only thought in my mind was, “run, go, leave right now and do NOT look back!”

I could not. I could not do that to another human being. My cell phone rang just a moment later and I knew it was her. We met shortly after, talked on a bench in the shade (for some reason she didn’t want to sit in the sun, despite the fact that it was chilly and breezy outside) and then walked around the park as I told her stories of my days as a musician (she loves music and asked me to talk about my "playing days").  Strangely though she had no stories of her own as she was “tired from working all week.”

Um, hello? I work too! And I traveled over an hour to get there.

She walked 4 blocks.

 Horrors! 

The date ended shortly thereafter as it became apparent to her that I had little to no interest.

So I ask you all, has this happened to you? Has someone shown up who clearly was not what they portrayed themselves to be?

How did you handle it, or how would you handle it now?

Do you feel it is rude to just say “hey, y’know I don’t wanna be rude but you don’t appear anything like what you described and I feel cheated and abused? I think I’ll take my leave now.”

I have had quite a few dates over the years where women misrepresented themselves in age, appearance, personality, and other areas and I have never just walked out on them. I don’t think that I ever will, but it has to a small degree soured my feelings on Internet Dating.

Now while writing this, a young man who is in grad school came by to look at an empty room in my apartment. He was a pleasant guy and after a while we started to talk about things besides the apartment, and being guys the conversation turned to women. He told me about a date he had 2 weeks ago. He met the woman on the Internet and, well, same story as mine; marathon runner who shows up overweight and unattractive to him. His thoughts? “Oh crap, I do not wanna spend 80 bucks on dinner on this fat chick.”

Well, after all he is in college.

Through the years and all of my research on dating and relationships, I have heard this story relayed countless times from both sexes. You know, the guy with a great head of hair and nice muscles online, who shows up balding, overweight, and in a dirty tee shirt! Geez! So clearly this happens to almost everyone. What I’d really like to know (especially from the women out there) is what did you do when this happened to you? If it hasn’t happened, what do you suppose that you would do if this transpired in your life? And even more-so, have you ever done this yourself, and why?

Do you feel it is rude to just walk away? I mean, after all, if someone is putting forth an image that is untrue, isn’t that a lie, and have they not already lost the right for respect? Is it not, in effect, an abuse of trust?

Your thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated, by everyone!!!

Spike

http://www.DemistyfiedDating.com
 

Single After 40: Why It’s a Good Thing 

By: Lorii Abela

Being in a relationship is very important to most people, and a lot of them feel that, if you’re still single after you turn 40, then there must be something wrong with you. Well, if you are one of these people, stop and desist right there!

First and foremost, keep in mind that being single after 40 isn’t something to be ashamed about. Sure, most of your friends and colleagues might be married, or at least be in long-term relationships by this time, but who’s keeping count? If it matters that much to you, try counting how many truly have happy marriages, or have divorced by this time. Heck, you can even try counting how many of these people have played the scene looking for that special someone and failing. Remember, just because you don’t fit into that outdated view of being with someone before you hit 40 doesn’t mean that being in a relationship is not the thing for you.

You need to keep in mind that getting married at a young age is actually a frame of mind from a long time ago, and that these days, being single after 40 does have its advantages. A lot of professionals actually choose to be single in their earlier years because this is the time that they are looking for a stable financial position for themselves, and it is not easy juggling both a thriving career and nurturing a strong relationship with another person. For them, it’s better to be single after 40 so that they can be financially and socially stable before they settle down with another person.

Indeed, with the average lifespan of a person being around 75 years or more these days, 40 is actually considered to be the new 30! You can find so many attractive, intelligent and single people who are looking to build a relationship who are 40 years or older. It’s actually not hard to find people who are still single after 40 and are just now looking to start a serious relationship with a person. Whether you’re looking on the Internet, or using a more traditional method such as hanging out in bars or parks, you will most likely run into someone who is still single in their 40’s, and is looking for someone to just share a simple conversation with. Take a chance! For all you know, it could turn into something more.

Remember, you’re already single after 40 years old. Why rush into a relationship now? Take your time. Learn more about the person you’re starting to get to know. You won’t regret it!

Enjoy the search and the goodluck! Use these tips to leverage on how to find the girl for you. You can get more information on how you can find love by visiting http://www.HowcanYouFindLove.com Be sure to take advantage of the 6 Day Free E-mail Mini-Course.

Lorii Abela is a Law of Attraction Practitioner and Finding True Love Coach for expatriates. She herself has manifested her match in 30 days through a process that she now teaches. Discover her secrets to finding true love by visiting http://www.HowCanYouFindLove.com  Lorii is available for coaching, speaking engagements and consultancy.

Top 3 Categories Women Classifies You As a Date

By: Lorii Abela

Before you ask how you can find love, there is something you need to know about women.

When you approach women, they are into this unconscious habit of putting you into categories even if you have not done or said anything yet. These categories can indicate where your chances of getting her stand and holds true even in cross cultural relationship or expat dating.

Categorization is a kind of a per-judgmental tendency which proves all the more how finding a soul mate can be so grueling. 

Now you may ask yourself how you can find love despite this annoying habit of women. The answer is pretty simple – understand this habit and work through it.

For you to fully understand these various categories and thus make your quest in finding a soul mate a little less exhausting, let’s tackle each category’s weaknesses and strengths.

First Category: She likes you.

She likes you because you share a resemblance with someone she likes, because you dress in a way that she thinks attractive or because of anything that she happened to have an attachment with.

This will give you a certain edge over everyone but taking this simple liking to a higher level basically and totally depends on you. This can be one of the greatest things that can happen to you. However, if you are the average type of guy, you can only expect this kind of thing happening about 10% of the time.

Second Category: She doesn’t like you.

At one point in the course of finding a soul mate, you have probably come across someone and just didn’t like them without any apparent reasons. Women experience this kind of instances too, only that they sometimes account it to your lack of self-confidence or to just any other petty reason.

If you are one of those men who lack confidence in themselves, it’s reasonable to expect this kind of situation happening about 10% of the time. Sadly though, once a woman has already made up her mind about you, it becomes irrevocable unless of course you have things going on like one gorgeous ex still running after you or an overwhelming richness.

Third Category: She is undecided.

Average guys fall under this category about 80% of the time. If you belong to the average type of guys, this can actually come as a good thing for you as chances are, you can still work your way through making her like you.

One good way to start is to un-clutter your life. Having a life that is in order will enable you to exude an aura of confidence which can be very beneficial once you’ve finally decided to continue searching for a soul mate.

Who knows, your self-confidence might even take you beyond things. You finally may be able to come up to a prospective partner and ask her for a cup of coffee or dinner.

Enjoy the search and the goodluck! Use these tips to leverage on how to find the girl for you. You can get more information on how you can find love by visiting http://www.manifestingmydestiny.com Be sure to take advantage of the 6 Day Free E-mail Mini-Course.

Lorii Abela is a Law of Attraction Practitioner and Finding True Love Coach for expatriates. She herself has manifested her match in 30 days through a process that she now teaches. Discover her secrets to finding true love by visiting http://www.manifestingmydestiny.com  Lorii is available for coaching, speaking engagements and consultancy.

7 Great Tips For Dating An Older Woman

By: Lorii Abela

Finding a soulmate has been a life-long dream to many. How good would it be if you have found that person who can be your perfect match? That can mean living with someone you feel a strong connection to, and someone you can be your own self with. You could have looked everywhere, but have not succeeded. You could have explored all the places you can imagine in your quest of finding a soulmate and yet, you found no one. Everyone is just too familiar, too uninteresting, and too normal.

You see your friend, or colleague, and you felt no strong feelings towards her. You might have been looking for something new and extraordinary. You could feel hopeless already, but you should not stop with just the boundaries of your neighborhood or your place of work. Finding a soulmate has no limitations. Delve deep into the unexplored, and do not be afraid to try something new; whatever that means for you.  For some, it can also be trying to date an older woman.

Men are naturally attracted to older women because men have the never-ending need to be taken cared of, and older women have all the experience in nurturing from their past relationships: ex-boyfriends, husbands, and children. Older women are more matured, independent and confident. They know what they want, and they get what they want.

Dating an older woman has now become normal to men, and you should not be ashamed to date an older woman. Though, of course, going out with an older woman may be intimidating at first, but it gets fun as you go along. And also, dating an older woman has its pros and cons.

Since an older woman has more experience and more knowledge, she may think that she is better than you so she is often in control and tries to manipulate you. Another issue would be her past baggage. Because behind those experiences in life, she has once thought that her quest for finding a soulmate has ended, and yet, she thought wrong. Your friends may tease you for dating an older woman which may have apending divorce and a tag-a-along child, and you have to be ready for that.

On the good side, however, your present relationship with an older woman may benefit from her experiences from her past. She very well knows what she wants, and she makes sure that you know it too. She is independent and does not require attention from you from time to time. She speaks her mind and you can forget the trouble of decoding what she really thinks.

Moreover, while attracting an older woman is exciting, doing the first moves may not be that easy. It requires your effort and determination to win an older woman’s heart. You should find a woman who is interested in dating a younger man. And if you already have a date with, do not fret. Here are some helpful tips to get you moving.

1. Be yourself. She is with you because she likes you. Nothing beats being you. Show how fun and exciting it is to be with you.
2. Take her to a place she has never been before. Tour her in your neighborhood; take her to your favorite indie music bar, or to a concert, or that new fascinating restaurant.
3. Be well-conversed. An older woman is a smart woman. For her, a guy who can talk about almost about anything is a smart guy.
4. Display spontaneity. Make spur-of-the-moment night outs. Take her by surprise by asking her to go skydiving with you.
5. Do not compare her to your ex. Not only that it will make her feel bad, it is also rude. You should know that every woman is different.
6. Posses the same passion for life as she has. Be confident of who and what you are.
7. Take things slow. Remember that if she has failed finding a soulmate once, and she would rather take one step at a time now than fail again.

Dating an older woman may seem to be complicated but you must be willing to accept these complications if you are interested in dating her. And you can never tell if your goal of finding a soulmate will end with her. 

Enjoy the search and the goodluck! Use these tips to leverage on how to find the girl for you. You can get more information on how you can find love by visiting http://www.manifestingmydestiny.com Be sure to take advantage of the 6 Day Free E-mail Mini-Course.

Lorii Abela is a Law of Attraction Practitioner and Finding True Love Coach for expatriates. She herself has manifested her match in 30 days through a process that she now teaches. Discover her secrets to finding true love by visiting http://www.manifestingmydestiny.com  Lorii is available for coaching, speaking engagements and consultancy.

Why didn't he call after our Date?

Dear Coach,

I went out on a date with this amazing man.
I had a great time and I thought he did too. After our date, he said he'd call. Five days later, my phone hasn't rang yet.

I really like this man, and I'm devastated that he broke his promise - I feel like a fool.

xoxo,
Janice



Dear Janice,
I am going to answer this question as bluntly as I can because I refuse to sugarcoat the truth for you. There are many possible reasons why men who say they'll call DON'T call. I'll give you a few reasons but read the entire blog so you can enjoy my golden nugget at the very end.

Possible Reasons Why He Didn't Call After the Date
Maybe...

1. ...he didn't want hurt your feelings. It's also possible that he's not that attracted to you, or you're totally not his type, and he didn't have the balls to tell you straight-up, so it's easier for him to simply fly solo by MIA.

2. ...he forgot. He could've been diagnosed with Senilityosis three days before he went out on a Date with you. You can't blame him if he doesn't even remember your name.

3. ...he's married. Or in a relationship with someone else. If his wife found out that he went out on a romantic Dinner date with you, he'll lose his video game privileges, so he's keeping you under wraps. Pun intended.

4. ...he's emotionally unavailable. He may be single, he may be physically available, but it's possible that he is NOT 'emotionally' available to you, nor to anyone else at the moment. And he probably doesn't even know it, so he doesn't feel the need to commit to anything, much less a second date.

5. ...he's a Playeh. The Don Juan of the Century who mastered the art of Copying and Pasting his profile and pics on 2,400 Online Dating websites may be scheduling 3 dates a day, 15 dates a week, taking weekends off still counts you against 89 other dates he's had in a month.

6. ...he figured you have nothing in common. Nada. Zilch. He likes Hockey, you hate the violence. He likes Mexican, you prefer Sushi. He thinks you should wear flats, you like high heels. You snore, he doesn't. Which brings me to the next one...

7. ...if you've already had sex with him and he felt it wasn't as great as he thought it would be, maybe he's not willing to share his feelings with you face-to-face. It IS awkward to tell someone they're not that great in bed. C'est la vie! Keep in mind, your version of GREAT may be entirely different than his version, so, again, don't take offense.

8. ...he expected someone different. He may have thought you were a self-absorbed chatterbox when all along durng your Date, you felt that you were being affable, social and open with him. Perception and Assumption play very important roles in Dating.

9. ...he realized he's not in a good place in his life right now. He needs his 'Space' to assess what's going on in his life and figure out where and how to proceed from here. That's right, there's no room for you right now. No need to take it personaly. At least not until he figures things it out for himself.

I've only cited a few reasons why he didn't call. Bottom line is, it doesn't matter why didn't call, what matters is that he DIDN'T, so don't assume it was all about you. That type of thinking will only serve to lower your self-esteem and sink you into depression.

It's not worth it.

Move on by not getting too obsessed with the PRESSURE and EXPECTATIONS that arise from thinking that you've had a great date.

As a matter of fact, I'm a firm believer in this...Do not walk into a date putting too much pressure and expectations (on yourself nor on your Date) of having a romantic connection right away. When you do, you set yourself up for disappointment if the person didn't live up to your unfounded 'pre-Date expectations'.

Instead, walk into a Date hoping to step out of your comfort zone, and with the intent of bringing out the BEST in another Human Being and simply enjoying your experience with someone new! You end up being curious about who this person is and you subconsciously stop being nervous and self-conscious. Just have fun with it.

Last but not least, stop assuming that his decision not to call is all about you. It's not. It could be him. You're a beautiful, amazing Goddess and you deserve someone who appreciates that. Go back to the list above, move on and schedule another Date.

"Next!"

Love and non-fattening kisses,
Your Dating Coach

Find Me a Husband: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

By: Lorii Abela

In this video, I am sharing about some pointers on “how do I find a husband” through the example of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.  Their split is presumed to be accounted out of many things like professional rivalry, sexual orientation of Tom Cruise which has been rumored as gay, and his Scientology religion. Enjoy!


Enjoy the search and the goodluck! Use these tips to leverage on how to find the girl for you. You can get more information on how you can find love by visiting http://manifestingmydestiny.com Be sure to take advantage of the 6 Day Free Email Mini-Course.

Lorii Abela is a Law of Attraction Practitioner and Finding True Love Coach for expatriated. She herself has manifested her match in 30 days through a process that she now teaches. Discover her secrets to finding true love by visiting http://www.manifestingmydestiny.com Lorii is available for coaching, speaking engagements and consultancy.

4 Steps to Help Heal a Broken Heart 

By : Lorii Abela

 

 How do I find true love? If the answer for this particular question is hard to look for, it becomes even harder when the person looking for it have been heartbroken.

In finding a soulmate, heartbreaks come normally. It may even be frequent as no commitment has been made yet.

There is nothing more painful than heartbreaks. It brings the kind of emotional pain that can go so deep you can compare it to the ones you get from physical blows. All we wanted to happen when we go through heartbreaks is to wish for that pain to disappear.

How do I find true love if I’m all shattered and hopeless? Sadly, there’s no such thing as band aid for your shattered heart. It may sound a bit cliché but time seems to be the only cure for emotional pains caused by heartbreaks. Everything will get better through time, even the deep painful hurt from getting your heart broken.

However, to be able to achieve this, you may need to temporarily stop your quest in finding a soulmate. You may need to take a rest from dating. For whatever it’s worth, here are some ways you can actually alleviate the pain:

1. Cry

At the beginning, you will feel insignificant or useless and whether or not you’re an emotional person, you will feel the need to cry. Questions like how do I find true love may even start to cross your mind many times than expected and may make you feel even more depressed. In times like this, all you can do is let yourself do some crying. A life-changing event happened. It’s not a simple thing you can just brush off from your life in an instant. Give yourself time to grieve but just enough that you don’t linger in your past as it will only cause pain.

2. Talk to people close to you

Have an outlet. By sharing the pain you feel with someone you are comfortable with will enable you to feel a little better. Ask them the questions you have been asking yourself like how can I find love when I feel like there’s no hope? Take comfort from having someone around for you. Spend your time catching up with your friends.

3. Welcome distractions

Maybe you had the kind of relationship that took you away from every opportunity to spend some time with yourself or your loved ones. So let them into your life again. Let their support shower over you. This is actually another way that answers your question of how can I find love. Find love through those people important to you.

You may also opt to spend some time in the gym or arrange your stuff in the closet. You may simply opt to go out your house and take a stroll. Allowing distractions into your life is one big step you can take to move on.

4. Let go of your bitter past

Move on towards your better future. After a while of giving yourself the chance to experience grief, it’s time to start moving on with your life. Start anew and now that you have gotten over the anger and sadness, let hope help you get on. Make time for the self you that you forgot existed when you were in a relationship.

How can I find love? Well try to heal your broken heart first. It is sometimes hard to follow steps like these to move on but keep in mind that they are essential for you to put the broken pieces back together. By this, you will not only be able to become complete but you may become whoever and whatever you wanted to be. This is an opportunity for you to start anew so be sure to grab it.

Enjoy the search and the goodluck! Use these tips to leverage on how to find the girl for you. You can get more information on how you can find love by visiting http://www.manifestingmydestiny.com Be sure to take advantage of the 6 Day Free E-mail Mini-Course.

Lorii Abela is a Law of Attraction Practitioner and Finding True Love Coach for expatriates. She herself has manifested her match in 30 days through a process that she now teaches. Discover her secrets to finding true love by visiting http://www.manifestingmydestiny.com  Lorii is available for coaching, speaking engagements and consultancy.